500 days of Brian

Thinking about the last time i was really and truly happy. What an indescribable feeling.. it’s been a really long time since i thought about that time and that person. 

I’m slowly falling at this point in life. I am about to crash and burn. Everything is just becoming a huge struggle for me. Especially school, i don’t even know what i am doing here. I feel like i am trying my best to be successful in my academics but when you look at my progress and grades it is the complete opposite. It is tearing me down, i just hate how i am not smart. I’m just not that typical asian that is good in school. I’ve never been the type to focus on school and get straight A’s though i wish i could be like that. I always focused on other things mostly dancing. I don’t regret that for one second but i just wished i could focus on dancing and at the same time do well in school. I can’t find a way to get by this semester and it is almost over. I may seem like i have it together with my classes and i act like i know what i’m doing and i do my homework but in reality i don’t have a clue at all what i’m learning or doing. I just play it by ear and sometimes i’m in luck and it works out to my advantage but most of the time it doesn’t. I need help. I don’t know what i’m going to do. I ready to give up. Sigh..

I wish life could slow down just a bit. The days just fly on by so fast. I need time to catch up on everything. There is never enough time. I want to travel back to the days when I was much younger when things weren’t so busy and hectic… When life was utterly easy, no worries and just carefree. There is just too much going on right now, not that I don’t like all the things I partake in but I just need time to really soak everything in and appreciate it all. I am another year older but this time I am an adult now, goodbye to those teenage years. It’s time to face actuality and open the doors to reality. Being without someone is taking its toll especially now that I am 20. A person can just be so patient.. I still have hope though.

My birthday is in one week, on thursday next week. I’ll be turning twenty years old, no longer going to be a teenager. Time has really flown by.. i remember when i would just dream about being this age. Life is so much more different now than when i was a kid, things were much easier back then that’s for sure. I can’t really think of what i want for my birthday… I just want to have a good birthday and good month. I want to be happy, that happiness that someone brings to you. Well all i can do is wish for that. On the other hand, i am really excited for my birthday. Something about turning twenty feels good inside even though its not twenty one yet. 

Count down continues …